1. It can be difficult to be consistent across all settings and with all people.
2. There are times when there are safety concerns and it can not be ignored.
There are other ways to respond to tantrums which in some situations can be more effective and produce quicker positive results. With this said, one intervention does not work best for either all parents or interventionists or with all children or clients.
Many years ago I worked in an institution. During that time I spent some time working with a group of young adult men with sever developmental and behavioral problems. There was one young man who, when he would get upset and throw a tantrum, he would tear his clothes, throw beds and at times even tear sinks off the wall.
One day he started into a tantrum, I do not remember why, and he started screaming and tearing his shirt. I’m not sure what caused me to respond in this way, but I started yelling and also tearing his shirt. He immediately stopped with a shocked look on his face and mumbled the question “are you crazy?” That was the end of the tantrum.
Another time I was with a young man (about 10 years old) who was very upset because he wasn’t able to go on an outing (this was a consequence for his behavior). He was swearing and complaining about one particular staff member. I listened and then suggested that we write it all down. He just responded “naw” and that was the end of the tantrum. We of course discussed what got him to that point and on a long term basis worked on skills that would help to avoid the same problem. On another occasion a young girl (about 6 or 7) started throwing a tantrum in a clinic setting (screaming, kicking). I told her that she wasn’t doing a very good job of throwing a tantrum and that I could throw a better one. Which I did. There were two or three other adults in the room with us who joined in on the act, each trying to out do the other. She never threw a tantrum in front of me again.
My grandson is another example. He is almost four years old and had started throwing tantrums. The first time he did it I responded by saying “that’s just not working for me, why don’t you try….” I would then suggest different things like hitting the couch or stomping his feet a little harder and lying down and kicking his legs. Each time I would respond and say, “nope, that’s still not doing it for me” and suggest something else. Before very long at all he had given up. I believe I did it with him one other time and that has been it. More recently he thought screaming might work on me so I took him to a room, there were some other interesting things in the room but I wouldn’t let him play with them because our purpose was to scream REALLY loud and long. I told him we were here to scream and to go head, he said “no thank you.” He did not get to play with the things in the room but returned to what we had been doing instead.
Here’s the point for tantrums, another possible alternative. Ratchet it up, take it to the next step, perhaps even a challenge, and participate in the tantrum without becoming overly anxious. Make sure the person is safe. (Generally the head is where I am most concerned. You do not want to allow something that may cause damage to the child such as banging a head against the wall. There can also be other areas of concerns.) You can also redirect to safer ways to tantrum. Instead of ignoring, turn it into a game, such as a stomping contest.
Address what brought the child or person to this point in an appropriate and positive manner.
I wanted to add one thing to our tantrum discussion, it's not just that the child may be worn out, but children are smart, even children with disabilities are smarter than we often give them credit and they quickly learn that there's just no leverage in the tantrum, with adults who react in this way. It's more like, "hey this adult just doesn't get it, no use trying it on him or her any more."
It's similar to some of Milton Erickson's techniques where he just wouldn't get flustered and would actually jump right into the drama with the client. He believed that it wasn't his job to turn people around, just move them out of their entrenched trance by a degree or two and then allow them to figure it out and "right" themselves.
